Femi

Wow.  I’m overwhelmed.

I’ve seen and heard and talked so much about feminism and women’s rights and issues lately that I feel completely exhausted.

From Cate Blanchett’s Oscar speech, to Lupita Nyong’o’s speech on black beauty, the incessant talk about Robin Wright’s haircut, to the Ban Bossy Campaign, to the disgusting Blurred Lines video (warning this is the unrated version, ick) and the subsequent Blurred Lines feminist response parody and all the news about how few women have leadership roles as Directors, Filmmakers and Cinematographers in our industry.

It’s enough to make me want to roll over and pull the covers over my head and pet my dog until I fall into a blissful stupor, trying to forget it all.

I have been told that I’m too old to be in this business, I’ve been told that if I don’t have a certain amount of credits by a certain time no one will take me seriously. I have resting bitch face, I need to network more, I’m judgmental, I’m too strong, too hard, too this too that, too too too too too!!

“Tell me how you really feel Kim!” has been said to me so many times I’ve lost count.

In this business everyone gets rated pretty harshly but it’s disheartening when I’ve grown up hearing that “women just age” and “men get distinguished”. When it seems ridiculous or even gross for an older woman to attract a younger man but perfectly normal (and great fun!) for a 60 plus gentlemen to be with a 20 something woman. I mean, I don’t have to give tons of examples. Turn on the television, look at your Netflix que, looks at what’s playing at your neighborhood cineplex.

When Kim Novak got raked over the coals when she presented at the Oscars it just made me sick. I felt terrible for her the next day, when (I’m only guessing) I bet she had had a fun night.

 

Making a woman feel like crap doesn’t help anyone. Asking or berating her about her clothes, her hair, her makeup, and her accessories instead of talking about her work, her goals and her accomplishments is diminishing and ignorant.

Heck, people in my own family have dismissed what I do, questioned whether I could do it or stared at me blankly when I tell them I’m taking on a new endeavor. I don’t know if that has to do with misunderstanding the life I lead or they don’t think I have it in me.

Uggh, this blog is trailing away from me, I’m starting to ramble….!

I think the bottom line is this.

If you are a woman in our industry and you want something, go for it. Work with like-minded people and let the others go.

Tina Fey wisely said this in her amazing book BossyPants and I sign off with some of her wise words here:

“When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you. If the answer is yes, you have a more difficult road ahead of you. I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece “Over! Under! Through!” Try to find someone above or around your boss who is not a jerk. Again, don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go “Over! Under! Through!” and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t.  Who cares? Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.“